RELATIONS FIRST

Maintaining Relations:-

     Always Relations first. This is the precedence, I consider in my life. In case of a dispute or difference, involving relations and friends, I give first priority to maintaining of relations rather than winning the argument or dispute. The dispute could be on money, assets or opinions.  I try to keep the same priority with my wife with lot of difficulty. Difficulty, because I have frequent arguments with my wife. I don't like to start any argument but it happens. Then I presume that more time one spends with any relative, there are likely to be more differences of opinions. These differences should be taken in a healthy spirit. They are constructive to quite an extent, as they teach us some lessons. I try and analyse the cause of arguement and come to conclusion that mainly the cause lies in me. I thank god, that the argument or dispute occurred and I could see a new side of the problem. I enjoy analysing a dispute and solving it. 

     I have generally analysed that whenever there is an argument or dispute, the cause of dispute is different than the dispute itself. 

     A husband dressing up for going to office looks for a pair of socks. Not finding the same he asks his wife. " Dolly, Where have you kept my socks?" His wife replies " I don't know, find yourself." Husband " I can't get even a pair of socks in this house, it's in such a mess." Wife replies " You and your Pop and Mom have created this mess." Thus the argument turns to blaming each other family members. 

     I will advise all to read and understand the book " I am OK You are OK" . Dr. Thomas A. Harris is the author of I’m OK – You’re OK, the 1969 bestseller based upon the ideas of Transactional Analysis by Dr. Eric Berne. It gives a very deep understanding of P - A - C relations. Simplifying, every person has three kinds of personalities in him. i. e. Parent, Adult and Child. P - A - C. The communication itself is from one of the three personalities from one person to one of the three personalities of another person. i. e. A parent personality of one person may speak to child personality of an other person. If the reply is from child personality to parent personality, the communication is success. On the other hand if communication reply is Adult to Adult, or parent to child, It would be a failed or cross communication, resulting in argument or dispute. In the previous case a husband going to office was communicating from parent to child, asking for socks. His wife seeing the situation, should have helped him find the socks. On the other hand she communicated from parent to child resulting in cross communication. Having gone through the book, I try and analyse every communication, and adjust accordingly. Some times a person may not mean what he says, but the person receiving the communication may translate it in a different form.

     A child or a person not fully knowledgeable will make more noise to prove his point, He may shout and shriek, when he believes that something exists or is true, without reasoning. On the other hand a knowledgeable person will be cool and calm, as he will know the facts and figures which he may put up. He will not try to unnecessarily create scenes to prove his point.  

     Undermentioned thought is worth considering : -

Beautiful lines for all relations

Alone I can "Say"
But together we can " talk "
Alone I can 'enjoy'
But together we can 'celebrate'
Alone I can 'Smile'
But together we can 'Laugh'
That's the BEAUTY of human relations
We are nothing without each other.